"Reaching Out" - or into loneliness

I've been reading Henri Nouwen's Reaching Out over the last week or so and it's been impacting me deeply.

I feel like I have been lonely for as long as I can remember. There have been moments thick with the physical presence of friends & family. And there were times where I managed to gain enough attention or popularity to almost muffle the pangs of isolation in my gut. I used to think of those “distracted” periods as high points – when I’d achieved the connectedness I craved. I’m realizing more and more that the times of greatest singular loneliness in life were also the times where God’s hand pressed heaviest on my heart.

However, until Nouwen’s Reaching Out, I don’t think I have encountered any voice (pastor, friend or counselor) telling me that this aching was natural, necessary & right. I’m an American Evangelical! If something doesn’t feel good, it must be wrong! Reaching Out has really begun to play a connecting role in matching my awareness of God’s presence in the “dark” to Nouwen’s assertion that loneliness is not only obligatory, but indispensable.

Nouwen says that without “solitude of the heart,” we are not even capable of loving people in the way they deserve to be loved. After reading the first three chapters I went & told my wife that I wanted to love her because she deserves my love – because she exists.

I confessed that most of my love for her is twisted & compromised of what I think I need from her, & what I want to get out of her. She said, “I think most of us love that way.” I said, “But wouldn’t it be incredible if we could let go of all that & love each other entirely for who the other is?” I was "lucky" enough to be unlucky in love till my twenties, so growing up I didn’t have romance to hide in. Married now, I have quickly learned how to look to my wife to hide from myself, my loneliness, and God residing in the midst of that dreaded isolation.

Slowly, I'm trying to train myself to stop running from the loneliness. Inside the aching, the silence, the singular awareness of one's own disconnected (in some ways) reality, there is a voice of Truth who is whispering identity, purpose and love at the core of our being. I want to listen for that voice...


please read more about my thoughts on the evolution of Christianity at http://emergingchristianity.blogspot.com