The Suicide Machine

I've got my 10-year high school reunion tonight. Strange how fast these things come up.

I ran into an old classmate yesterday when I stopped in to see my parents. Marjorie was in town from D.C. for the reunion.

I was driving my wife's "humble" '98 Cavalier and I saw her waiving at me as she walked down the street of our old neighborhood with her father. For a moment I was excited to see her, and then an instinct popped into my mind that sent me into a little panic: "She can't think this is the car I drive! What if she doesn't think I'm successful."

Success. The idea made me feel a little nauseous and self-conscious all at once. Quite glamorously [sounding] she is "just visiting from D.C." and here I am, living fifteen minutes from the city we grew up in.

Driving a '98 Cavalier.

I guiltily pushed the feelings aside. I care about the kingdom, not cars and prestige, I said to myself (knowing it was barely half-true). Marj hugged me eagerly and asked what I was up to.

The "American-Dreamon" (I just thought of that. Too cutesy? Offensive?) reared its head in me again and I answered, "I'm the branch manager at a credit union here in town." Not, "Oh, I work in finance." I had to throw a cheap title at her. I'll bet it looked pathetic.

What is this need to impress - to prove worldly success? To say, "I made it"?

The Kingdom of God shrinks us so that others might grow and be blessed. But our own nature is so backward. I want to talk about the Kingdom of God and Beatitude Life (peacemakers, meek, hungry and thirsty...) but I sure would love to be driving an Audi while I do - in case people wonder if I chose this life, or if I settled.

But when I fight to prove myself by worldly standards, I AM settling. Settling for the world's economy: what Len Sweet calls a "Suicide Machine."

please read more about my thoughts on the evolution of Christianity at http://emergingchristianity.blogspot.com/